Don't Be a Loser

My father once told me, "The world is full of losers. Don't be one."

That was some great advice.

Here are some things I've learned in my quest to avoid loserdome:

• Unless it's Halloween, never wear sunglasses inside. Especially not aviators.
  
• Never spend more money on jeans than you do on rent.
• Being in a band does NOT mean you are a rock star. Quit being a poser.
  
• Under no circumstances should anyone over the age of 23 perform a keg stand.
• STDs are not to sex rewards. Nobody wants to hear about your itchy balls.
• Never, ever, ever refer to yourself in the third person.
• It's not cool to sell your friend's iPod on EBAY and then help him try to find it somewhere in his apartment.
  
• Don't host LSD parties in the back of a 26-Foot Uhaul Truck.
• Never masterbate on the subway.
• Shower regularly.
  
• Unless you're from the UK, you are not allowed to sign emails with, "Cheers!"
• Don't poo in tupperware.
• It's not cool to break-in and sleep on the floor of an apartment you've been evicted from.
• If you owe a friend money, pay him back before you buy a $200 pair of shoes.
• There is no such thing as "ironic" facial hair. If you're not serious about it, shave the beast

That's all I can think of for now.

_Monkey